Bullies

I found out a bit more than a week ago that a coworker used my (this) blog to show to her team in order to demonstrate that I should not be a Director of HR.  I feel violated and bullied. I just turned forty-five years old and I cannot believe adults are acting this way.  This is cruel and shameful.
Treating people with kindness does not mean digging around someone's personal life and sharing that in order to discredit and disparage her. I'm sad this person/these people are hurting so much they have to hurt me in order to feel better.

Spread Kindness like confetti.

Belonging

I often go back to the idea of belonging. Life has been presenting me with many opportunities to study this concept. Brené Brown frequently speaks of belonging. Her definition is,

"Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance."

How often do I show my true self? Not as often as I would be proud to say. I can be the best chameleon out there. When I hide myself to the world, I'm lying and deceiving me. Is this what Life has asked of me? Is this what the Universe envisions for my time here on earth? I don't believe so. 

My good friend's sister sent me a book called, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home. I read the first chapter and had to put it down. It was that thought-provoking and I need to sit with it before I continue. The word remembering is re-member; a verb describing us coming back to being a part of something larger than ourselves. 

The more I seek belonging, the smaller my tribe becomes. I am okay with this. Back in my teenage and twenty-something years, the number of phone numbers I had in my contact book meant something to me. It wasn't the quality of the relationships, just merely the quantity. This is no longer my style. I am most happy around people who accept me for all of me, including the ugly parts I do try to hide from time to time. 

To my tribe: I love you. Thank you!

Random Sunday Morning Thoughts

I find men reading in a coffeehouse quite attractive.

I enjoy sitting in the car on a sunny, but cold day and let the warmth wash over me.

When my children go to a sleepover, I miss them.

I appreciate sleeping in until my body wants to wake up.

I look forward to walks as the weather gets warmer.

I love acoustic 90s music and singing along in my car.

I'm happy Spring will be here soon.

I dig finding new knitting patterns.

I relish listening to audiobooks while knitting or make cards. 

All the Feelings

Lately, I have been a proponent of allowing all feelings to be okay - especially in the workplace. A caveat to this, no violence or hurtful words. Violence, anger, and hurtful words are secondary reactions to a primary emotion. I cry quite a bit at work and am becoming more comfortable with it. I encourage tears during tough conversations in the safety of my office. I tell my coworkers that tears don't scare me and it's good for us to cry.
This last week I cried quite a bit. My coworker is moving out of state. I rely on her quite a bit. She has a fantastic job opportunity with more responsibilities and money. I don't know how to compete with that. I never set out to be a supervisor, let alone a Director of a department. It fell upon me. It has been one of the most challenging situations in my life. I love my team and have such great people who work with me; it makes my job much more manageable. I come from a relationships point of view much more than a business strategy perspective.  I have learned much about strategy from my departing coworker. I will keep in touch with her and continue to pick her brain on the business world.

We have also had tremendous amounts of change at work. Several teammates have left for other opportunities. I miss them, and I'm gloomy at times.

There are days when I would enjoy winning the lottery, even if a small amount. I would take some time away from work and take a long cruise or travel to other countries.

Winter Blues

I'm quite lucky to live in a state known for 300 days of sunshine. When I lived in Indiana, we would go weeks with overcast skies. Oh boy, that was hard for me. I'm finding when I'm inside for work, with an inside office (no windows), this makes for a challenging day, week, and month. I am setting a personal goal for myself to step outside during the week at least ten minutes. I have noticed my mood has been quite low the last couple of months and I wonder if the little sun has something to do with it.