Most of my life, I have worried about my weight. I remember being six years old and my classmate, Tim said, "you look skinny in those jeans". I remember being quite happy about that statement. I didn't worry too much about my size until 7th grade. This is when I realized I was on the chunkier side, compared to my classmates. I also was told I was fat a few times in junior high by some boys and that really hurt my feelings. In high school and college, I would try to diet. I would lose a few pounds but then gain it right back. I have a love of food. I think about food often. I like the feeling I have when I have a full belly. I fear the feeling of hunger. Lately, I'm hearing from people "I just want to be healthy", versus losing weight. I agree with this sentiment, and, to be honest, I'm not there. I don't know if I ever will be. Of course, I want to be healthy. If I'm not healthy, I cannot enjoy my life. However, the urge to be thin is still stronger than the urge to be healthy. Perhaps I'm stuck in my high school way of thinking. Perhaps I need to evolve a bit. I'm not sure how to switch to focusing on health over the number on the scale. I'll keep working towards being healthy over being thin.
