Writing

       I have never seen myself as a writer. I have longed to be someone who could write a novel: A Jennifer Weiner, a Jodi Picoult, a Glennon Doyle Melton or a Brene Brown. I am not them. I am only me. Of late, I have been digging deep to discover who I am. I have pushed myself away in hopes of becoming like someone else, that, in fact, I don't really know me. I'm working towards no longer apologizing for things that are not my fault. I'm working towards ceasing explaining myself, when an explanation isn't necessary. I'm working towards saying "no" without guilt. I'm working on not being embarrassed if I feel I have "more of something" than someone else. I worry so much that I may look like I'm gloating, that I reduce myself into such a small version of whatever I think I need to be so no one is offended. This, not feeling like I'm gloating, is quite challenging for me. 

       So starting now, when I feel the need/want to write, I will just write. I will not worry about being grammatically correct, nor, sounding intelligent. I am just going to write. 

November 8, 2016

I know blogging is quite 2006 of me. I felt compelled to write about the events of this week. On Tuesday, America elected Donald Trump to be our President. Even as I write this, it doesn't seem possible. A reality tv star as President? A man who has never served his country, nor has any experience with government nor contributes to society an anyway meaningful? It seems like a joke and the laughs are on us.

Lily and Jack, if you happen to ever come upon this post in the future, know your Mom voted in this election. I supported Hillary Clinton with the hopes of a more progressive nation and the first woman President. I did, in fact support Bernie Sanders during the primaries, or caucus as Colorado had, as his views are more inline with mine, and I feel Hillary would have done a fabulous job. I have admired Hillary since 1992 when she became our First Lady. She is a woman with opinions and ideas and isn't afraid to move forward, even with immense conflict. She continues to come back to work for people each and every time adversity hits.

The moment I realized Trump would be President elect, I cried. I cried constantly for about 24 hours. The reason I cried was that so many people chose to vote for a man who represents hate, fear and bigotry. As I feel today, and imagine I will feel for awhile, I will not call him my President.

This Alanis song reminds me of how I feel about my country. It's quite messed up, and yet, I love it still.



"Still"

I am the harm which you inflict.
I am your brilliance and frustration.
I'm the nuclear bombs if they're to hit.
I am your immaturity and your indigence.
I am your misfits and your praised.
I am your doubt and your conviction.
I am your charity and your rape.
I am your grasping and expectation.

I see you averting your glances.
I see you cheering on the war.
I see you ignoring your children,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.

I am your joy and your regret.
I am your fury and your elation.
I am your yearning and your sweat.
I am your faithless and your religion.

I see you altering history.
I see you abusing the land.
I see you, your selective amnesia,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.

I see you averting your glances.
I see you cheering on the war.
I see you ignoring your children,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you altering history.
I see you abusing the land.
I see you, your selective amnesia,
I love you still.
And I love you still.

I am your tragedy and your fortune.
I am your crisis and delight.
I am your profits and your prophets.
I am your art, I am your vice.
I am your death and your decisions.
I am your passion and your plight.
I am your sickness and convalescence.
I am your weapons and your light.

I see you holding your grudges.
I see you gunning them down.
I see you silencing your sisters,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.
I see you lie to your country.
I see you forcing them out.
I see you blaming each other,
And I love you still.
And I love you still.

I see you holding your grudges.
I see you gunning them down.
I see you silencing your sisters,
I love you still.
I love you still.
I see you lie to your country.
I see you forcing them out.
I see you blaming each other.
I love you still.
I love you still.
I see you.

2nd and 4th grade

School started August 15, 2016. Jack has Sra Negron and Lily is at School in the Woods with Ms. Zaranek. 

History

Glass ceiling. Almost gone. 

Lily is witness to something she doesn't fully understand yet. She will. 

Fire department

Lily wanted to make cookies for the fire department. They gave her a tour!